I look better un-naked...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
