New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
