if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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