There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
