may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
