just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You are the jesus of drinking
Randomize
