TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
