I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
