It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
