my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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