I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize