is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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