I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I understand Curling. That high.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Randomize
