You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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