he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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