I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
