i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
