come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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