Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
