Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
