She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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