just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
