he wants to bone in the snuggie
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
