I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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