just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
