shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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