I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
