Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize