On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
