eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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