Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
