you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
