so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I wish i was in the wii world.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
