I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
