Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
