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i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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