i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
