I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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