Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
