I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
