I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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