This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
