everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We don't watch enough power rangers
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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