one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Randomize
