Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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