I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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