He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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