in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
