I can't watch pbs sober anymore
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Randomize
