Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize