ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
