am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Randomize
