I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
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