I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
