I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
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