chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
