i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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