All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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