I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
