I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
