I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
