We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
