She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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