JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i came on her dog
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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