dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
