Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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