nut hugger
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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