My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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