i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
