i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
