I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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