My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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