no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
