Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
