YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
