I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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