do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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