dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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