It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
