you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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